The Bargain

Aren’t you going to at least think about it?” She asked, sounding worried, but she knew he would ignore her.

He’d already decided what he was going to do, and there was no stopping him. Her question, she knew, was rhetorica, so if her tone was worried, as per the script, her face was bored. She had to ask that question, or someone did, as a prelude to him doing what he wanted to do. Of course, she wanted him to do what he was going to do, or why would she have asked that question, instead of trying to stop him?

Not that it was really possible to stop him, I mean how do you stop someone who owns the universe, and I don’t mean it in a supersized ego way, I mean, he actually owned the title deeds to 7 of 8 of the known galaxy clusters, and the last one, was well, pretty much still dust cloud... or he’d own that too.

(if you’re going to take this opportunity to point out, that we already know of more than 20 galaxy clusters, in the universe. I would like to point out, that it wasn’t this universe we’re talking about...)

So the owner of the universe was waiting to do something, of course whatever it was, is completely beside the point right now, maybe later, if I need to, I’ll let you know what it was, for now, be content to know it was one of those things that only make sense because it’s an act of rebellion(AOR) he wasn’t quite sure what he was rebelling against, which was the only reason, he hadn’t already performed his AOR.

He sat there pondering all his previous rebellions, and yes they were rebellions, I’ll have none of that stupid Historian revolt/rebellion/conflict debate in his universe. He had rebelled several times, successfully, even against himself, throwing the universal government off keel, and then unrebelled, when things became a little too hectic for his liking. (yes unrebelled is a word, and do you really want to argue with the guy who owns the universe?)

Of course rebellious natures are usually the result of sociological upheaval, or injustice, or on a personal level of emotional trial, in his case, it was a result of boredom, he’d done everything the right way, and now he was bored... I guess I forgot to mention he was an immortal. How else do you think he managed to amass enough wealth to buy 7 of 8 known galaxies,(even Microsoft shares take a while to grown, and let’s not assume that their competition is going to remain so stupid for very long). The last one, well it was a bit of a tossup, so he let it go, and spent the money on the fastest fleet of ships in seven out of 8 galaxies, so he could visit his universe at ease... an interesting point about this particular fleet of ships, was that it sparked fear into all his subjects... partly because he owned the universe, or at least 7 out of 8 galaxy clusters, and the last one didn’t really count anyway, but more so because they were part of what used to be the most fearsome navy in 8 out of 8 galaxy clusters. He didn’t like this much, and in an attempt to make them more crowd pleasing, he’d had them painted electric blue and pink... and even had the words DON’T PANIC painted on their prows, in big friendly letters. All of this only helped making them more obvious, and rather ridiculous, but they were undeniably still the most fearsome nave in 8 out of 8 galaxy clusters, a stat which often lead him to be introduced as master of all the universe, even though he didn’t own the final cluster.

 He naturally found this quite distressing, you don’t  something till you own it? Would these people who so gallantly announced he owned the whole universe, also allow him, while playing monopoly to build hotels on the strand before he owned all three red properties... actually they probably would, especially he came to the monopoly party in one of his ships! Which kind of defeats the arguement I’m trying to make here

Actually when I think about it, I haven’t really told you much about Him, really have I? Well, that’s just as well... He’s been prospecting in these parts lately... probably looking to buy out our whole dimension, with however many galaxy clusters we have. He won’t be seen around these parts for a while, I hear he’s out touring some nebular or the other... but he wouldn’t want you to be forewarned about him. He’s very touchy about special treatment, specially from non subjects, he would hate to see you bow to him, before he actually owns you... so don’t. In fact, he’s becoming particularly finicky about random things recently. He refused to buy a hotel, because it laid out 4 things more than the menu stated for his buffet... he suspected it was because they knew he was coming. Actually, it was for Rajnikanth (he does vacation around Betulguese quite often, if you want to know).                      

what? He’s here? Now? You’ve got to be kidding? Right now? Already... oh fuck fuck fuck... we’re sooo not ready for this... how do I look? How is my hair, damn, I wish I was wearing my green shirt now... how about my jacket? Is it okay, not too shabby huh? Or maybe I should take off? But half sleeves... yeah, no, I’ll leave it on...

Well, you’re in luck, I guess, he’s here, or he will be shortly, I just heard, his space ship, the meaning of life the universe and everything, has just landed... of course there’s no space port in this place. Remember not to bow to him, till he pays you whatever amount he thinks you’re worth... and i’m out of here...

...

...

What he’s gone? Already? Really? Wow! Why... what happened? Where? To get more money? Huh? But for what? He made an offer to buy this world yeah, and then what happened? The guy quoted double the price he offered as the cost price of this universe... Wait make sense... who was this guy He met, bring me before him...

Hey you, yes you! What did you just say to that man who walked up to you and offered to buy the universe?  You quoted double the price he offered and said it was a fixed price shop? And he fell for it? Wow, that’ll make the next game of monopoly fun...